Suresh’s Random Ramblog

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’llgive you a twenty-year life span.” The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?” And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.” The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?” And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.” But man said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back,and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?” “Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

. . . So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. Now go forth.

There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys; The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm.

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8am. The next day at 8:45 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole production line is backing up, putting the entire production behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the floor of the factory and they’re really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman.

“I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,” but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.

Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles”.

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a Valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a Helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the Helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Continue reading »

This was in my inbox & after reading it I absolutely had to share it with everyone. A classic, espically if you’re overweight!

A guy phones a “Guaranteed to Lose Weight” company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads: “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. as promised.

He then calls the company and orders their 5-day / 20 pound
program.

The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.   She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck That reads: “If you catch me you can have me.”

Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does, it’s definitely worth every muscle-cramp and wheeze, so for the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight,on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day / 50 pound program.

“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone, “this is our most rigorous program.”

“Absolutely”, he replies, “I haven’t felt this good in years.”

The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there wearing nothing
but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads:

“I’m Francis. If I catch you, you’re mine “

If you read one joke today, then read this one on Rajanikanth

The punch line had me laughing out loud for a long time. I called Nandu, who was in bed with a neck sprain, and read it out loud to him. It’s lucky I’d warned him advance or else he probably would have made his neck worse!

I haven’t blogged in a long time since I’ve been traveling and falling sick. As a filler here’s a must watch advertisement video link that’s just great:

:::Carlton United Big Ad:::

PS. It’s work safe

I’m sure each one of us has come across encyclopedias at one time or another. Netizen are aware of of Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.

Question: What’s the opposite of Wikipedia?

Answer: Welcome to Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.

I hope I’ve spoilled your morning’s productivity! My work here is done