Suresh’s Random Ramblog

George has written an article, English — a prescription for global reach, which was published in The Hindu.

It’s a well thought out piece on the role of English in India with a lot of points that I agree with. It’s time we stopped thinking of English as a “Foreign” Language. English has been spoken in India for the last 250 years - I think it’s time we accepted the fact it’s as Indian as Tamil or Hindi. If you consider that 5% of the Indian population speaks English, that’s approximately the population of the United Kingdom. The Booker prize has been won several times but Indian English Writings. Like Cricket, English is no longer the sole property of it’s birthplace.

Politicians like to boast of our might as a IT superpower, forgetting that it’s our English knowledge that’s given us an advantage over China and Russia - a short lived advantage, considering that both countries are emphasising on English studies. Chinese schools & universities hire British and American teachers for English - It’s quite common to walk down the streets of Shanghai and hear Chinese speak with American accents despite never having left the country.

It’s time we put behind out linguistic bigotry behind us and concentrate our energies on more productive things. If English is going to give us and advantage in the 21st century then that’s what should be thought to the future generations.

There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys; The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm.

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8am. The next day at 8:45 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole production line is backing up, putting the entire production behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the floor of the factory and they’re really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman.

“I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,” but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.

Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles”.

By now everyone must have heard of the July 11th bomb blasts on the train network in Bombay (Mumbai). Quite often we read about terrible events in the news but if there is no direct impact on us it just fades away from memory. To me the news was brought home when I got news that my friend’s cousin had died in the blasts. Although I didn’t know him personally there was only one degree of separation. I know his cousin and have met his brother in the past.

Chaos Theory describes the behavior of certain nonlinear dynamical systems that under certain conditions exhibit a phenomenon known as chaos. In other words, everything you do (or don’t do for that matter) affects the your future and of those around you and vice versa, i.e. what others do affects your future too. Looking back, here is an individual who usually works late and catches a later train but was coming home early to surprise his daughter who used to call him in the office and ask him when was he going to come home and play with him. He never travels by First Class bun on that fateful day chose that because the other compartments were crowded. The kicker? His wife and kids who live in Iran weren’t even supposed to be in Bombay till 14th! However his wife, who works there, managed to get a few extra days off and decided to come home early. My thoughts are with his wife and kids, especially his wife who must be blaming herself for coming home early.

It’s at times like this that there seems to be no meaning to life & the Universe. Are ours lives guided by entirely random events? Quite often we lament about missed opportunities and chances, or when something bad happens we think, “If only I hadn’t done . . . , this wouldn’t have happened.” Well I think it’s time we take a moment to ponder of the choices not made by us in the past, which could have had disastrous consequences. Maybe everything does happen for a reason.

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a Valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a Helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the Helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

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This was in my inbox & after reading it I absolutely had to share it with everyone. A classic, espically if you’re overweight!

A guy phones a “Guaranteed to Lose Weight” company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads: “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. as promised.

He then calls the company and orders their 5-day / 20 pound
program.

The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.   She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck That reads: “If you catch me you can have me.”

Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does, it’s definitely worth every muscle-cramp and wheeze, so for the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight,on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day / 50 pound program.

“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone, “this is our most rigorous program.”

“Absolutely”, he replies, “I haven’t felt this good in years.”

The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there wearing nothing
but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads:

“I’m Francis. If I catch you, you’re mine “

For years my friends have considered me a certified geek. I love Science Fiction, dream about computers, am single, etc. However there was always something missing life before I could be considered a card carrying geek. Last week discovered what it was: Living in my mom’s basement! Yes, I’ve shifted to the basement with a TV and a computer (make that computers - in plural)! Of course it was because my room was being altered so I had no other place to go to but does that really matter?

This post is brought to you from my mom’s basement